I am working a lot with my clients right now on setting goals, deciding on intentions and even creating vision boards. It is that time of year, it is actually hard to avoid at the moment!!! The new year naturally makes us think about where we would like to be this time next year. Maybe even what we wish we did last year and how we would like to move forward differently.
It all sounds easy. Look at where you are, decide where you would like to be, create some intentions around that, make a plan, set your goals and move forward!!
The biggest challenge I find with my clients is that many of them don’t actually know what they want. They struggle to decide on goals that really excite them, that speak to their soul. They even feel quite uncomfortable spending all that time thinking about themselves and what they want, they drift easily to others and what they want but struggle to stay focused on themselves.
I hear it all the time “I just don’t know what I want!”
They may know they would like a new house or more money or a different job or a relationship but when I ask them to get more specific they struggle. When I ask what that life will look like, what will the house be like, what is important to them to have in the relationship, why they want the sort of job they want or how they want to feel, they struggle and this is often where goal setting, powerful goal setting ends. It is just too hard and they feel like a failure at what they think should be a simple thing….knowing what they want.
I have found goals setting, real, authentic, powerful goal setting isn’t as easy as we think it should be.
When I ask clients to go deeper into what they want and why they want it we often hit blocks. Frequently we uncover that the goals they have been identifying aren’t actually theirs. They are their parents, or their partners or based on what a teacher or boss told them they were capable of achieving. Maybe they are just repeating something they thought they wanted a few years ago or something society tells them they should want next.
And so often they are just superficial. Cars, houses, holidays etc. Now there is nothing wrong with these goals (they are all on my goal list!!) but what about the way you want to feel, the difference you want to make in the world or the things that make your heart and soul sing? And are they really the house you want, the car you love or are they what you think you deserve, or what the family needs?? Why is it sometimes so hard to set real, personal and meaningful goals?
Self-connection or should I say lack of it.
Every year at this time I am reminded of the importance of self-connection. Setting goals, powerful goals, required you to know what you want and to know what you want you have to know who you are and a surprising large number of us don’t really know who we are.
We have lost connection with ourselves!!
Through responsibility, disappointment, limiting beliefs, trying to please others and to do the ‘right’ thing we have forgotten who we truly are. We are often strangers to ourselves.
Years ago I knew my kids and husband far better than I knew myself. I knew what my boss wanted and needed from me more than I knew what I wanted and needed from me. I knew what family and friends thought more than I knew what I thought!!
When you think about this how can we be excepted to know what we want, what we truly desire, what we want below the surface answers.
Knowing who you are, being connected to you and nurturing a relationship with yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Only you can do it, it takes time and it takes a decision from you. You need to decide you are worth knowing!!
Before self-love, before self-worth, before self-value comes self-connection.
This year I have set goals, determined my intentions and created a vision board that make my heart sing and my soul smile, they feel so good, so exciting!! I wake up excited and get up eager to work towards them. When I finished my vision board this week I didn’t want to go to bed, I wanted to stay up staring at it!! I couldn’t have done this a few years ago.
I was lost, I had no idea who I was at that point and my self-connection was almost non-existent. And maybe the saddest thing was I didn’t even realise that was the problem!
So, if you are struggling with the whole new year push to set goals and intentions and create vision boards don’t beat yourself up, don’t hide, don’t think there is something wrong with you and don’t ignore it. Maybe, just maybe, you have forgotten who you are and rather than setting goals you need to work on your self-connection first. Maybe that could be your goals, your intention could be getting to know you!!!
Working out who you are is a journey, one that never ends, but it is a journey well worth taking.
Yes, it is new year and setting goals, deciding on intentions, creating vision boards is on tip of many peoples tongues at the moment but if you don’t know YOU maybe it is time to Get to Know You first!!!
Getting to know you is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.