I Just Want to Be Happy!!!
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to feel personally strong? Do you want to feel full of vitality? Do you seek fulfilment, joy, purpose, peace?
“Yes” I hear you yell. “I just want to be happy” to strong to vital, or fulfilled or joyful ........
Many of us do and so often we seek these feelings through exterior means. Through things we can buy or succeed at or experience. We look at things we don’t yet have that we think will finally bring that feeling, that will ignite those feelings within us. We want it to come to us...... and delivered in a nice big bow would be good ;)
What if it could be simpler than that? What if it actually occurred within you? What if these feelings came from a state of being rather than the act of doing? What if you could feel those feelings now rather than waiting until.......
Stop. Stop whatever you are doing right now and assess. Ask yourself "Do I enjoy doing this?" It is easy when the answer is yes, you just keep doing it but I understand that the answer may be no. You may be at work and actually hate the job you are doing. You may be cleaning the bathroom and you hate house work. You may be sitting at a family function that you really don't want to be at. All these examples, and there could be thousands more, may not be what you want to be doing, you feel you are doing them because you have to, because you have no choice, because it is your responsibility. I understand that.
If the answer to the first question is 'no' ask yourself another question. Why am I doing this?
Again the answer may be "Because I have to" or "I have no choice" or "This is my responsibility" or "if I don't no one will." There are any number of answers, equally disempowering answers, you could come up with.
Now ask yourself "What is in it for me? What is my payoff?"
There is always a payoff. Even when you feel you have no choice you always do and you are choosing to do this thing that you don't enjoy for a reason.
As you delve deeper and look at it honestly you may come up with answers like: "It is the only job I am qualified to do and I need the money." "Well if I don't do it no one will and I want a clean bathroom." "If I didn't come Mum would get offended and there would be all hell to pay."
In all of these examples there is a payoff for you doing the thing you say you don't enjoy doing and aren't choosing to do. You could in fact not do it. You could not go to work. In fact you could quit. You could leave the bathroom and have a dirty bathroom. You could say no to the family event and just not attend.
You make a choice to go to work because you want the money to pay your bills, or buy clothes (or whatever). You clean the bathroom because you want a clean bathroom and you enjoy showering in a clean space. You go to the family event because it is important to your Mum and you love her and don't want to be the cause of her upset.
The result of each of your choices is that you get to feel good in some way!!
When you realise this and shift your focus from what you 'have to do' to what you 'choose to do' you feel more inner strength, you feel more empowered, you can find the positives and therefore feelings of happiness even in situations that may not seem ideal and mentally you feel more in control giving you a sense of vitality.
This quick check can be done many times a day, as many as you need and it can go a long way to help you shift from a poor me or victim energy or even anger or resentment into a self empowered energy.
You always have a choice. ALWAYS. Consciously way up the pros and cons for you and then make a decision based on what is best for you and what will help get you to your true desires. Identify your payoff so you know why you are doing what you are doing.
Once you do this and decide why you are doing what you are doing, for example “I really want a clean bathroom and while I hate cleaning the bathroom this is the only way for me to get the end result I desire right now so I am going to do the cleaning”, you can then make the task as enjoyable as possible. In this example you could light a candle and put on music to make it far more enjoyable. After acknowledging how much you don't enjoy the task you could alternatively create a plan to work an extra hour a week and therefore afford a cleaner. There are actually many ways you can take control when you thought you had no control at all!!
The choice is yours. Our emotions are usually much more of a choice than we let ourselves believe.
So what is the pay off you are seeking and how is your current situation delivering this to you, however much you might think you dislike it?
You have a choice of what to do, where to spend your time and direct your focus and energy and this means you also have control over how you feel. If you just want to be happy shift your focus, why are you choosing what you are? Realise you have more control than you thought.