Is jealousy a curse or can it be a blessing?
Jealousy is a feeling most of us feel at times. Some of us more feel it more often than others for sure. However one thing many of us have in common is generally when we feel it we deny it. We deny it to ourselves and we deny it to others.
When ignored jealousy, like many of the ‘less desired’ emotions, can turn to anger, resentment, judgment and even hopelessness. These are the emotions that can have a negative impact on us far more than the original feeling of jealousy.
So why do we ignore it, why do we deny it? Is, as the saying goes, jealousy really a curse?
It is worth noting that there are different types of jealousy. There is a feeling of jealousy that not only do you feel jealous of the thing or situation that another person has but you actually wish they didn’t have it, you may even wish them harm, if not just lack or failure.
These feelings can make this a destructive form of jealousy. This can be destructive to you and to others. This is unhealthy jealousy. If you wish the other person harm or lack or heart ache please look it to this, this is not serving you. It is a sure indication that you believe in lack and limits and that you are feeling this other person has received your 'share'.
It can, in rare instances be the result of or indicative of mental illness. If you feel this I recommend seeking help and support and being completely honest about your feelings so that with the right help you can free yourself from the negative bonds of this type of jealousy.
There is also jealousy you feel directed at your partner, jealousy triggered when we feel unsure in our relationship. This jealousy can actually indicate your seriousness and depth of feelings you have towards your partner. This jealousy tends to be triggered when you see or feel your relationship is threatened by an outside person or situation.
Open and honest communication is best in this situation. Don’t ignore, deny or bury it in the hope it will just go away. Address it, learn from it, be open about how you are feeling and if done early you are more likely to do this without resentment or accusation. This jealousy can become negative, judgemental and even possessive if left unchecked. Face it early and your relationship may even grow from it.
Then there is the jealousy that, if we are honest, many of us are familiar with, yet most of us deny.
A friend or family member share some wonderful news. Maybe they are getting married. Maybe they have bought a new home. Or they have secured their dream job. Perhaps their new business is a huge success. The list could go on and on.
You are happy for them, really you are, but there is also a niggling feeling inside, maybe even the song “What about me” plays through your mind.
And yes, here it comes, if you are honest you can feel it, that rise of jealousy. I often call it envy as it feels lighter, less severe, but look it is the same thing. We don’t want to feel it, we know we aren’t a bad person and this familiar feeling can make us feel like a bad person.
You are jealous of the news they have shared.
Why can’t it happen for you? Why can’t you have want they have?
We have learnt to believe that feeling jealous is a bad thing. Only nasty people feel this, don’t they?
So now not only are you feeling jealous you are beating yourself up for it and feeling like a bad person!!
I say stop!!!!
Are all feelings of jealousy bad? Is jealousy always negative? Does feeling jealous make you a ‘bad’ person?
Is jealously a cruse?
No. I believe feeling jealous can actually be a gift, a true gift.
Yes a gift!!
Be honest, especially with yourself, about what you are really feeling and then look at it like this. This situation, being shown what someone else has or has achieved which is similar to what you desire, is a sign from the universe of what is possible and depending on the situation it may be a sign that you have made decisions, taken action or maybe more accurately not taken action, that has actually lead you AWAY from your desired and even destined outcome.
This can be a reminder, a wake up call!
Jealousy is a sign from the universe to look at the path you are on and the decisions you are making and assess, are they getting you closer to what you desire?
It can be a fabulous sign if you are prepared to look at it and not deny it, not just judge it as negative.
Firstly you aren’t usually jealous of something you DON’T want. So be thankful for that message, the message that it is possible, it is happening around you and can therefore happen for you too. Use this as an opportunity to examine what it is you truly want, be honest about what you desire. Which part of their story, situation or experiences are you actually jealous about? This can help you get really clear about what you want!
Secondly have a look, an honest look, at what actions, decisions or inactions have lead you to where you are now and to what you have or don’t have.
This is the gift.
This is the opportunity.
The universe has brought this situation into your awareness for a reason and I think that reason is it show you what is possible and highlight what you haven’t done yet!!
The feelings of jealousy are created to remind you that you would really like this ‘thing’ and also to remind you or bring your awareness to the fact that, for whatever reasons, you haven’t made the decisions or taken the action required to make it happen.
This jealousy can be a wake up call, the kick in the pants you may need. Ask “What can I do differently to make this (or similar) my reality? It is obviously possible, what do I need to do to make it happen?”
This is the gift jealousy can be. Don’t bury it, don’t deny it, don’t beat yourself up for it.
Examine it and ask “what do I need to do?” or “What am I prepared to do to make ‘xyz’ happen?”
You’ve been shown what is possible. How exciting is that. And your feeling of jealousy has highlighted it for you.
If you are prepared to learn from the feeling of jealousy, much like other emotions we consider negative, and take responsibility you may just find that jealousy is in fact a wonderful gift, even a positive thing.
What we deem as ‘negative’ emotions can be our best messengers, our clearest sign posts. If we look at them, have an awareness and don’t ‘sit in’ them they can be our greatest gifts.
So “is jealousy a curse or can it be a blessing?” most definitely it can be a blessing, it is all in the way you look at it.